The Art of Getting Out of Your Own Way

Home | Articles | Ask Lynne | The Art of Getting Out of Your Own Way

The Art of Getting Out of Your Own Way

Is there someone you can think of that has always just rubbed you the wrong way? You can’t even remember when it started usually, but you have always had an almost visceral reaction to this person. It might be a supervisor, a co-worker, an employee, a customer.

No matter who they are, it is almost impossible to deal with them since your level of frustration is so great when you’re around them. But why is that? Most of the time, the problem is not with them although you would swear to the contrary. “Sure,” you’re thinking, “she’s going to blame me again” ~well, yes and no. When you find yourself that intensely upset by someone you really don’t know that well, very often they are functioning in your life like a stand-in. They have some characteristic that intuitively puts you in mind of someone from your past when you were small and helpless that made you feel angry, insignificant and hopeless. Your intense negative reaction is stored up rage from past experiences of feeling powerless.

So what am I saying and how can it help you? What remains unconscious retains power over you. When you feel these feelings of frustration rise, celebrate them. Know that you are on the cutting edge of a discovery that will allow you to undo some of the hurt of your past. As these feelings rise, stop and breathe, don’t act. Become acutely aware of how you are feeling and allow your exhale to lower the level of intensity. Stop for a moment and ask yourself who else has made you feel this way in your past. Notice that in your memory you were much smaller and dependent on that person. Notice now that you are no longer small or dependent.

Physically separate the memory of past from the person reminding you of those feelings in your present. Now look at that person. Some of that magical power they seemed to hold over you has faded, I bet. Now you have a direction. Return to the past to work out your issues with past authority figures, and deal with the real issues this present figure is bringing up. Make use of a therapist if needed to help you to distinguish between the two.

Once you can distinguish the real player from the stand-in, the solution to your problems will be much easier to find.

Is there an issue that you would like Lynne to address? If so, contact Lynne at: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it and tell her what you're thinking.